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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  December 14, 2012 10:00am-10:30am PST

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it's just endless-- it feels like. it's just-- they're like, "a-a-a, i'm a vegetarian, "but i don't even eat milk or honey, "because it takes animal labor to make milk and honey, "and i think that's wrong." and it just always strikes me as sort of childish logic. it's like, "i like bees and i like cows "more than the immigrants that pick the vegetables that i eat." [cheers and applause] that's it for me. thank you, guys. thank you. [cheers and applause]
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captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> jon: hey, everybody, well company to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. last show of 2012 and obviously if the mayans are correct-- (laughter) last show. our guest tonight my niece kristen leibowitz will be joining us-- i'm sorry, stewart. she must have changed it. i want to thank everybody, boy, that 12-12-12 concert last night, everybody that much wad, everybody that participated, everybody that says you have no idea how it boyd the spirits of everybody there. it was just-- it was good. thank you so much. but let's begin tonight with the discussion of marriage.
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as you know marriage is under attack. so much so that our congress passed a defense of marriage act. and president clinton signed it into law because it was the '90s and everything was ironic. (laughter) the defense of marriage act protected marriage from the scourge of no fault divorce and economic volatility and family care issues that put so much strain on marriage-- i'm kidding. it was about gay people. it protected marriage from gay people. in fact, gay people are considered such a threat to marriage that in addition to a federal defense of marriage act many states have enacted constitutional amendments banning the practice, including our most populous state, california. and our most reluctant to finally repeal interracial marriage bans, alabama. they did it in the year 2000,
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roll tide of history. before you get too smug on alabama remember the supreme court didn't even turn it over until 1967 so [bleep] us. but this is different. i mean the supreme court is to the going to get involved if gay marriage. >> same-sex couples are finally getting their day in court. this time the u.s. supreme court justices have decided to hear two constitutional challenges to federal and state lawsment one case involves the federal defense of marriage ago or domo. the other is a challenge toical call's prop 8. >> jon: first of all, i cannot believe he managed to squeeze a report in before prom. second of all-- (laughter) secretary of all, secretary of all and perhaps more importantly, the supreme court is going to rule on gay marriage which brings to us the latest installment in our long running series, lgbtq watch [bleep] just got real he --. it is hard to overstate how
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big a deal this could be for gay marriage. >> this is going to be the ultimate definitive determination. >> and that could result in what would essentially be 9 roe v. wade of gay rights. >> jon: so it will be settled. i mean who argues about abortion any more. (laughter) remember those days? today? this afternoon? (laughter) i'm sure the opponents will figure out something like sure, you can get gay married but first one of you has to have a transvaginal ultrasound. one of you does have a vaginal we can trans, don't you? (laughter) now this is very crafty case for gay marriage proponents to bring to the supreme court. as the case sets it is a bit of a trap for conservatives. >> the domo case considers whether someone lived with a domestic party for 35 years should have to pay estate taxes whereas had they been parried as husband and wife she would not have to pay estate taxes. >> jon: there's the question, conservatives, you can
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eliminate the estate tax for a whole lot of people but only if you let them get gay married. (laughter) it's a veritable reagan's choice. (laughter) what are we going to do? (applause) gay marriage or double taxation. gay marriage or double taxation. obviously the positions on this issue have been well staked out. proponents of gay paerj say their unions are deserving of the same dignity, respect and rights as those of straight couples and are asking for nothing more than equal protection under the law. to which their opponents smartly argue -- >> i've been waiting to ask you this question. >> go on. >> if the space don't love, can three people love each other. is it possible for three people to genuine lovely open and want to share their lives together. >> jon: oh my god, oh-- (laughter) oh my god! no! no way! no way! (cheers and applause)
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(laughter) >> jon: is lindsay graham about to propose to mccain and lieberman? (laughter) imagine lieberman's response. >> i'm the happiest man. i'm in a threeway tie for bride. (laughter) actually, lindsay graham is page the age-old slippery slope argument. >> i mean if gay people can get married why can't three people get married or ten people, or anybody to anything. again, placing gayness into the category of whimsical desire for something unconventional as opposed to a state of being who you are. going up against the supreme court, these guys are going buy some [bleep] slippery slope argument. >> justice antonin scalia was answering questions about his legal writing. >> a student on monday asked why scalia in past writings
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has compared sodomy laws to laws on beastiality and murder. >> jon: scalia! good old slippery sodomy slope scalia. ruff laugh aka antonin, aka lips manlis from the dick tracy movie. totally a pairing, you see on one of those web sites where the people look like other people. and then you click on it. (laughter) anyway, another standard bull [bleep] slippery slope argument. don't worry i'm sure antonin scalia has a much more-- of explaining it. >> it is a form of argument which is called a reduction to the absurd. >> if we can to the have moral feelings against or objections to homosexuality, can we have it against anything? >> i'm surprised you weren't persuaded. >> jon: yeah.
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i am surprised you aren't persuaded, gay student who asked why i cate is his love life with murder. no wonder scalia never lets himself be recorded. now the court won't hear arguments on the matter until the spring. and probably won't decide until next summer. you guys better hurry it up. because i hear new york is thinking oflyizing this ♪ i now pronounce you-- ♪ ♪ (applause) >> jon: you know what? if we as a culture have no objection to priests singing-- (laughter) what is to stop them from murder? (laughter) we'll be right back. ñt&/+d=?
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>> jon: welcome back. now journalism may be suffering in america but in most america it's flour shalling. wyatt cenac has more in this, his final report. >> reporter: in puerto rico the most popular television show is called superxlucido starring la comai and it's a a news program. in fact, this juggernaut gets 40% of the puerto rican audience and crushes most other major news networks in the state. though i traveled to san juan to learn their secret.
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is it just me or is there a weird monster lady right there? >> no, she is a journalist. >> she's a journalist. >> yes, she is. this is like the famous. >> i came here to talk to puerto rico's most trusted journalist. >> yes, people get if yous from me. >> this is a puppet. >> it's a lady. >> i don't understand how your journalists. >> because we do investigations all the time. this is watt world will be within 50 years from now. >> men and foam women. >> that's right. >> we are the future of the world. >> all right, you know what, i'm out? i'm out, i'm out. >> hey, wyatt, thank you, good-bye. >> hey, wyatt. >> this had to be some sort of joke. so i decided to do something i hadn't done prior to flying all the way down here
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to report in a story in the first place. watch the show. and there she was grilling the puerto rican governor forestalling a murder investigation. >> interviewing all the candidates for the latest gubernatorial race. busting a newspaper for bribing a senator. >> i watched this puppet for hours do things no flesh reporter could do. >> i wish i could learn from her. i mean how are people doing it? >> gracia. >> (laughter)
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>> oh my god. >> no! >> somehow the magic or puerto rican rum had transformed me. i had to go back. i needed to understand. >> so looks like i'm a puppet. >> yes, sir. >> can you show me the path. teach me to be a better journalist? >> there was so much i needed to learn. >> you had to have a-- how do you say pantalones. you had to have -- >> find out about political corruption. >> yes, you have to be sure, that what we are saying is is the truth and nothing but the truth. >> to be very smart as i am. >> but i was still missing one key ingredient, murrow had good night and good luck. cronkite had that's the way
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it is. and comae has got-- that's what it is. >> that's a catch-phrase? >> yeah. -- (laughter) that really means what a huge candle. >> that's right, that's right, wyatt, that's right. >> wyatt, that's the first words that had to use in order to be a good journalist. >> that's right. >> all right, i'll do it. >> all right, can you guys help me get down off this chair? my time had come to finally speak truth to power. i arrived in our nation's capitol and found inoperation all around my. i now had the pantlones to ask the questions that no
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one was willing to ask. here was my moment. time to show the press corps how a real journalist does it. >> i will see be here obviously to take your questions on all issues. >> jay -- --. >> let go, et go. >> get out of here. >> no -- >> wyatt cenac, ladies an gentlemen. nice job. (applause) i would@, i got to tell you, terrific story but it seems like an incredible journey for you personally. >> it was, john. this one really changed me. >> yeah, i can see that. >> sadly now you have uncovered the severson investigative journalism you are on to bigger and better things. >> that's right, it was a tough decision but this was my last daily show. >> jon: yeah. >> nope, nope, nope, don't
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make it harder. >> jon: wyatt i just wanted to tell you that in the years that you've been here, it's been incredible to work with you. you are an unbelievably talented man and really fun to watch. >> dow mean that? you really-- you really mean that? (applause) you mean that? >>. >> jon: i don't know. >> you were just saying how you-- . >> jon: yes, i know, it's leak in the piece, you know, it's just easier to talk to the puppet, i guess. i just-- i'm really going miss you. >> aw! we'll be right back. wyatt cenaeveryberybody!
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(cheers and applause) my guest tonight a fine actress stars in the twilight movies, her new movie is called "on the road" ♪ ♪ .
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>> jon: damn hippies. please welcome kristin stewart. (cheers and applause) how are you? place plaus nice to see you, thanks for coming on the show. >> this is cool. i can't believe i'm sitting here. >> stephen: it's real lucite, baby. let me ask you, so i would think the hardest thing to do in acting is dance, like just be uninhibitied. i don't think-- i can barely do it at parties when i'm hammered. >> you know, this is me most of the time. i'm definitely -- >> a wall flower. >> absolutely. >> stephen: so how do they-- what do they do to get you guys to be uninhibitied or to let
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loose? do they have to-- is that two hours into it, how do they do it? >> you're doing on the road, don't mess it up. >> did you feel that pressure. >> yeah, i think that was the main thing that sort of kick started everything for us, is we sort of felt like we would do anything for it yeah, i was pretty scared of that scene. because my mom-- homes are few and far between where i really get to exhibit, you know, like pure sort of wild nature, exuberance. >> stephen: and are you such a muse in the film that it is such an important catalyst element. >> yes, it is. she definitely needed to represent what the it of on the road is. >> stephen: right. >> and wordilessly sort of needed to. >> stephen: have you heard from the beat generationment i would think your generation wouldn't necessarily be as invested in it, you know, because even i, it was before my time. we all read it in high school, "catcher in the rye" and on the road and all that. >> no, you didn't. >> stephen: oh, what, are
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you kidding me? i got many a scene, yeah, i z all those. when did you start acting. >> i was like 9 or 10. >> stephen: and was that pretty full-time like did you go to regular school, did you go to like more of a i guess on the set type thing. >> i stayed in public school until i was in middle school and then i sort of, i needed to keep my grades up. and that didn't work in public school. >> stephen: when they are doing that on the set, do you have to run through all that like when i was a kid we had to like read, you know, on the road and then deliverance but they woon even do that now in sdoorbltion is too controversial i would guess. but how do they, what do they do? just have a guy in a trailer like read this and that is the extent of it. >> let me see at that point i saw on the road on a reading list as a freshman that is how i read it for the first time. probably says something about the schools, i think it is usually a little older
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or possibly not at all. >> stephen: right. >> nowadays that would be one of those banned books that like it's almost like in foot loose now, you can't have this kid dantzing. >> right. >> stephen: you know, i don't want him reading about driving and dancing. >> all that driving. >> stephen: and that sort of thing. >> yeah, i don't know. i went to -- >> more progressive. >> yes. >> stephen: well, that's nice. >> i kind of got to design my curriculum some. what it was cool? in high school. >> yeah. >> stephen: this has to be california. >> it was independent study. i was an actor, you know. >> stephen: was it other acker, was it like other actor kids or just a regular california. >> i think i could have gone to a prom. i was invited to a prom. i was like who is going to show up to a prom. the school barely exists in a literal -- >> there was a prom at that school. >> yeah. >> stephen: so it was really a kid asked you to his house. >> yeah. >> stephen: come to my basement! it's prom that's great.
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you were involved in this film though, even before you, you know, quote, unquote, hit, the before the big twilight movies and all that. what drew you to it before any of this other material? >> i would have done anything on this film. i would have followed in a caravan or cated for everyone, done prop service. >> was it the novell that spoke to you, was it something that just hit you the right way and you felt like man, i just want to be involved in that. >> yeah, it was my first favorite book it was the first time, i always did okay in school but it was the first time that i had, i mean, you know, for a lot of people it sort of, i really came alive. i opened a lot of doors. >> you felt passionate. >> yes, definitely, yes, definitely kick started something in me. >> stephen: passion enough to cater. >> that's right, that's right. because i did not think that i could play that part at all. >> stephen: i can tell you about the sad truth about my
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acting career. i actually have catered. >> that's sweet. >> jon: that is the extent of my acting career. >> nice. >> jon: it was a terrific performance and they get a lot out of everybody in that thing. you feel that period and you feel the moment. and for a move thael they say is unfilmable you did a hell of a job. >> all right, thanks. >> stephen: on the road, opens in select cities december 2 1st. kristin stewart. (applause)
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